Monday, December 8, 2014

What It's Like Being a Mom

I have started this post more than a handful of times over the past 14 months and have deleted it every time. I can never find the right words to say everything I want to say. This time, I'm just going to type and click publish and we will see what happens.

I always knew I wanted children. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I carried dolls around and wished they were real. I secretly hoped we would find a baby on the doorstep and I would have to help raise it (lifetime movie style). I babysat from the moment someone trusted me with their children.

When Dan and I got married and discussed when to have children, this fear came over me. Yes I wanted babies. I wanted a million of them. I wanted the car seats, and the sippy cups, and the pacis, and the shy child who buries their head into my shoulder when we go into a public place. Children that were mine. I wanted to be a mom.


But at the same time, I wondered if I would regret it. Not the children themselves, but the timing. Having children early in life. I know regret sounds like a harsh word, but I wondered if secretly, deep down, it would be true. 

That children are hard. That they are tiring. That they want you to play with them all the time. You have to follow them around because babies get into stuff and toddlers make messes. They get up early, and get up throughout the night.

That I would be tired. That I wouldn't be able to sleep in ever again. That I wouldn't be able to go out with Dan. That we wouldn't go out with our friends. Vacations would never be relaxing. And I would never sit at the beach, or even on the couch, ever again. I would be following a baby around, changing diapers, cleaning up spit up, and making bottles. That I would want my old life back. The life I gave up. Never to have again.

It doesn't help that you read all these posts about 'real life' and 'confessions' from moms who are exhausted. And that society tells you that children are mostly a checkbox in the perfect family, but to have them late - that they hinder your career and your personal time.

I can honestly tell you - I have never once regretted the timing of having Olivia. If anything, I should have had her earlier! She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I have never had more fun in my life. I follow her around because I want to be with her. I spend every second I can with her. I put her to bed way past her bedtime because I want to play with her longer. I miss her when she's sleeping and contemplate waking her up. I secretly get excited when she wakes in the middle of the night - so I can use it as an excuse to run into her room. I think about her constantly when I am not with her.

I love to hold her. I love to watch her learn. I love to talk to her, teach her, introduce her to my favorite things, and use her as an excuse to order off of the kids menu.

I can sleep 12 hours if I want to - because that's how long she sleeps at night. We still go out with friends, have dinner at restaurants, and go on vacations. I'll tell you a little secret? Sometimes we use her as an excuse to leave early, because we would rather spend time with her than some other people. 


I don't like it when people 'take her off my hands' - instead, I'd rather them get the groceries or cook dinner. I don't cook nearly as nice of meals as I used to, nor spend time getting ready, or wear nice clothes. Not because I don't have the time, but because I would rather spend the time with her. 

The worst part about being a mom? Thinking about her growing up. Or her not needing me anymore. Or her not understanding how heartbreaking 'mom, you don't know anything' would be - just as I'm sure I did to my mother. 

She isn't a hassel. She isn't exhausting (although she sure does her best!). She isn't career hindering. I don't even remember life without her. 

What did we do? Sit on the couch? Watch more TV? Stare at each other? I literally cannot remember what we did to fill our time before our little buddy was born. Maybe the house was cleaner. Maybe our meals more gormet. Maybe I washed my hair a little more often. But I can tell you - there's no life I'd rather lead than that of a mom. 

It's clearly not like this for everyone. But the 'honest' posts about how hard it is to be a mom are all over the world wide web. For anyone scared about becoming parents, I thought I'd throw in my two cents. This is the easiest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I want to do it a million times over.

20 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful post! I think you're right that there aren't enough post out there talking about the joys of being a mom. As scared as I was to have Damian so 'early,' the kids are the best thing that's ever happened to me despite how difficult it can be. However, I think the fact that you could get 12 hours of sleep if you want may be an unfair advantage you have over me ;-) Oh, how I miss sleep lol

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    1. I definitely have an unfair advantage on sleep. Baby Claire - let your mama sleep! I love the honest posts about people not having everything together, and it makes me realize that we are all in the same boat. If you ask Dan about dinners, or saw my laundry, I definitely don't have everything together. And the posts that are hysterical about difficult children are some of my favorites! But I think there aren't quite enough outlining the joys. And when pregnant with Olivia, I really could have used a post like this.

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  2. This was absolutely beautiful! I agree with every darn word! Especially the scariest part is thinking about Hallie growing up and not needing me! It is all going WAY to fast! I also agree, I want to wake Hallie up sometimes when she is asleep because I miss her! We had a sitter come for the first time since she was born the other night and I was so jealous that she got to be the one to snuggle her before bed that when I got home I got her out of her crib so that I could do it! lol

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    1. Thank you Kelly. That is so funny about waking Hallie up. I'm not the only one! I do come home jealous if someone else put Olivia down. Or if someone else spent the day with her. She's my little bff!

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  3. What a beautiful post! I feel the exact same way about motherhood; it is the best part of me and the most defining. However, you are one lucky duck with such a wonderful sleeper. I was not so lucky!

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    1. Thank you! Yes, we are so lucky with Olivia sleeping. It was a long road to get here, but once she slept through the night at seven months, we were determined to never go back. I do realize that the next one could be a disaster. We don't all get good sleepers!

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  4. Thank you so much for writing this. I've had the same feelings lately - I've always wanted to be a mom and now that that dream is coming true, I'm scared of all the things you mentioned above. It's nice to hear some positivity about motherhood! Love it!

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    1. It's a million times better than I ever imagined. You will enjoy it so much! We just put her to bed an hour late tonight because she was in such a good mood and we both wanted to keep playing with her. And then we fought over who got to put her down. :)

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  5. I love this! I am so so so excited to become a mom. I only hope our baby sleeps half as well as Olivia does! :)

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    1. You will be such a good mom!! I'm not sure I'd wish for half as good as Olivia ;) maybe all as good as Olivia - haha. It was a long road to get her to this point, but she's such a good sleeper now!

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  6. I totally agree!!! Couldn't have written it better. My 9 month old son is the best thing I have ever done, I love spending time with him! It never gets old, I want more kids to follow around :D Love this post, lovely words mama!

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    1. Yes! I want 'more kids to follow around' too - haha. Although I guess we could be singing a different tune if there are more than one. Glad you enjoyed!

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  7. Really beautiful post! I had those same thoughts growing up- I just knew I wanted to be a mom. So getting pregnant, and getting pregnant so easily was really scary for me. "It can't be this simple" kept running through my head. I have a whole new appreciation and understanding for what being a mom is now. Yes, two years later, we have our fair share of rough days- but the smiles make it more then worth it!

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    1. I can totally relate to those 'this was too easy' feelings. You have completely different experiences with a two year old - so hopefully I still feel the same a year later ;) - but those smiles ... they can make melt instantly. I'll do anything for those smiles.

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  8. This post is the sweetest thing!! Parenting is wonderful and far better than anyone tells you. It's such a treat to be your child's first teacher and to get to see them learn new things e.v.e.r.y. single day. I always call Olive my sidekick and I really do enjoying hanging out with her. I also like to introduce her to my favorite things!! Good for you for being such a positive parent. Olivia will treasure these words that you wrote some day.

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    1. That was so sweet of you! I love that - your little 'sidekick.' I'm so glad you love being a mom as much as I do.

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  9. I love seeing these wonderful comments. I'm so proud of you. You have a fabulous outlook on life and articulate it eloquently. You are beautiful inside and out and are, and will continue to be, a great mom!

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    1. Thank you! Olivia makes it super easy to be a good mom!

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  10. I am going to go through such a depression when I can't have more babies. I love kids. My middle one is the biggest challenge I've faces so far but he's all mine ;). I think the hardest part for me is constantly worrying about them (I think that's why it took so long for me to even let them ride in someone else's car). After the post I think Olivia deserves everything on her list - especially the spoon with the last bite of cheesecake. I hear it makes a cool noise when it hits the floor.

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    1. I agree! I can't imagine not having any more little ones. Okay, fine. I'll give Olivia the last bite of cheesecake. ;)

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