1. Spoon. A real spoon, not a plastic toddler spoon. Not just any real spoon, the spoon you are using now. The spoon you are using now to eat something you really really wanted. Something you really really wanted that there's only a few bites left. Something that you really really wanted that I have tasted and hated. I want your real spoon with that last bite of cheesecake on it. That last bite of cheesecake that I actually don't want to eat, I just really really want to throw it on the floor.
2. An alarm clock. An alarm clock that has the noise of a baby crying. It is exhausting making sure my parents are up at the crack of dawn every.single.morning. So if someone could take that over, while I sleep in, that would be great.
3.Beer / Wine / Coffee. Anything you are drinking. I want it. Anything you are drinking that you wont let me drink. I want it. A whole one. Sticking my hand in your bourbon drink and licking it as fast as I can before you can get it away isn't enough to be considered a Christmas present. I'd like a case. No childproof lids.
4. Koda (dog) fur. A giant pile. Please someone collect the fur that is on the stairs and hidden in the corners. It takes me so long to collect it, and people keep taking it away from me. I have tried collecting it from the actual dog, but my parents always get mad. A whole big box of it.
5. Da. Da! DA! DAA!!! That! That thing! Over there! No not that one! Nope not that one either! Still wrong! Come on! You know! That thing that if I don't get I'm going to have a huge.meltdown.right.now.pleassssee. Give it to me!
6. Taylor Swift 1989. I love her. Everything about her. All of her songs. Not all of her songs. Mostly just Shake It Off. I'd like Shake It Off on repeat. Except not the whole song. Just the "shake it off, shake shake shake it off" part on repeat. I might not cry in the car. Bonus points because my mom might cry in the car.
7. A macbook. My mom's macbook. My mom's macbook so I can change all of the settings in ways she didn't know was possible, and she can never get back. Settings that render the macbook unusable. Where she has to embarrassingly post on Facebook that, although she works in IT, she needs help fixing her computer.
8. Baby wipes. Not just a baby wipe, but a whole package. Not just a whole package but a whole box of packages. And please open them. But only through the real dispenser. And then 1 minute alone. Just one minute alone to get every single wipe out of the dispensers. And then cry because I'm out of packages.
9. A trash can. Actually, a full trashcan. A trashcan full of things. I'd like to think of them as toys. But not the normal toys. The kind of toys that my mom yells 'ohmygosh gross don't touch that, stop eating that, is that mold?, are you chewing a bandaid? DAN!! TAKE OUT THE TRASH, NOW!!" Those toys. A can of those toys.
Hahahahahahahaha oh goodness!!!! I think #5 might be the best one! This is probably one of the most truthful and accurate post I have EVER read!!! Love it!
ReplyDeleteHahaha - thank you! Yes to #5 - it's seriously my life. Always pointing. No idea what she wants. Meltdown ensues.
DeleteToo funny! I was laughing out loud!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it!
DeleteUm, are our kids the same kid?
ReplyDeleteJust the shake it off part - yes.
She MUST have our ice. She has to put her hands in the water. She screams if she can't.
She's totally changed all settings on my laptop as well in ways I didn't know were possible.
Maybe they are the same kid ... they do have the same name. Have you read that article of the top 10 names that are trouble makers? Olivia is number 3.
Deletehahahahaa yes to all of these! Especially the DA DA DA. She does it all the time! I can't wait for her to have more words...
ReplyDeleteYes! Half the time I don't think she even knows what she wants..
DeleteI completely laughed out loud at this - so so true!! My toddlers always always wanted the dog leash too - but only with the dog that weighed twice as much as them attached.
ReplyDeleteHahaha thats so funny about the dog! Olivia likes the leash, but she isn't picky on whether the dog is attached. That's funny!
DeleteBahaha!! I know I shouldn't laugh because this will be me in a year or so, but this is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThis will be you in a year or so - and you can laugh because toddlers are so much fun. They are easy to make fun of - but oh so entertaining!
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