Confession

You guys. I have a confession. I have been really mean to Dan recently, and he just doesn’t deserve it. I wish I could take back half the things I have said to him. Unfortunately, they are in writing – and I just can’t take them back.

But if you can’t confess to the internet about these kinds of things, who can you tell? You know?

Let’s start with the first one. I really don’t want to tell you this, but I have to for the context of the story. Dan sends me a text everyday that says “I love you.”  I really, really don’t want to tell you this, but, again, I have to for the context of the story. I usually try to reply with “I love you more,” “I love you most,” or “I love you more than anything.” Please don’t throw up. Please stop. Please just move on.

So the other day, this happened:

D: I love you

K: I love you Mohammed!

Dan may or may not think I am currently in love with a Mohammed.


On another day, this happened:

D: I love you

K: I love you more than ants.

Well that is sweet of me. Ants? Definitely. Roaches? Ehhh, not so sure. I’ll get back to you.

Again:

D: I love you

K: I love toys.

Good job, Kelley. Just change the subject. Surely he won’t notice.


And then last week:

K: I am doing Yolanda.

Woahhh! How is that even in my dictionary?

K: Leanne.

Good save. She’s much prettier.

K: Neither of them. I am leaving Walgreens.

Thanks autocorrect. You are singlehandedly trying to ruin my relationship.