My only picture from Thanksgiving

I took only one picture over Thanksgiving. Just this one:

Beautiful right?!

I call it “an abstract of my pants.” Those are teal sweatpants, in case you can’t tell. Or comfiest travel pants ever.

You see, I have the worst luck on flights. I always sit next to the creepiest people, or the smelliest, so I assumed going to Wisconsin would be no different. (Well, it was different. I sat next to a British girl who looked just like the middle sister from Modern Family, we chatted the whole flight, and it was awesome).

But, I see this man.

Who has this hacking, awful cough. Sneezing and snotting all over his sleeve. Eating 3 (!) checkers burgers. 2 large fries. 1 coke. And a bag of peanuts. Salted. Because he ‘aint eat no s*** without salt.’ And he is the largest man I have ever seen in real life. Looks just like the before pictures on Biggest Loser.

He is there with his mother complaining that during the 40 minute flight, they weren’t going to feed him, so he better eat up. (If you have read a Confederacy of Dunces, see Ignatius J. Reilly. If you have not read it, you should. Perhaps on your next flight).

Anyway, this isn’t about him. Or books. It’s about me. Isn’t it always?

I decide to send Dan a picture of this guy to say “guess who I am going to end up sitting next to?” I do the pretending-to-text-while-pulling-out-the-camera move.

And this huge flash goes off.

HUGE. Who knew my phone flashed that bight? In a panic, I moved the phone down like I wasn’t actually taking a picture of the large man sitting 2 feet away from me. And took a picture of my pants.

There is no way he didn’t notice. There is no way anyone at gate B22 didn’t notice.

So embarrassing! I was mortified. And now I have a slight fear of my camera phone.

I am a horrible person, and I think it was karma. And kind of funny. So I thought I would share the only picture I took over Thanksgiving.