Monday, December 9, 2013

Time Flies

My sweet baby girl is seven weeks. 

I know that really doesn't seem old to most of you.

But when you know maternity leave is 12 weeks, and you've just finished 8 of them .. it seems like time is flying.

People keep offering to hold Olivia to "give me a break." They keep telling me to just let her cry because she has to learn to soothe herself without me. I keep hearing "nap when the baby naps." My doctor told me this week that after she's been fed and changed, to make a list, set her down, and don't pick her back up until I finish my list. That it's okay if she cries - I can use the time to cook, clean, etc.

What if I don't want a break?

What if I would rather hold her? That picking her up when she cries soothes me more than it does her?

What if I no longer care whether the house is dusted, or dinner is made?

What if I don't want to nap?

I don't want to miss a minute of this. It seems that every time she sleeps she gets a little older. She smiles a little more. She has new found coordination in her hands and she learns to make a new sound. 

I don't want to miss it.

I don't want to put her down. 

I want to hold her, and smell her, and breathe in this entire moment because I know I'll need it. I'll need it when I go back to work. When I am having a hard day and thinking about how I just want to be home with her. I'll need her smiles when I am in traffic and remember how 2.5 hours a day she is in daycare just so I can sit in the car. 

I'll need to know that I soaked up every single second of maternity leave heaven. 

To me that means not sleeping while she sleeps, but instead letting her sleep in my arms.

It means picking her up when she's crying, even if I am 'spoiling' her too much.

It means not wasting her smiley, happy awake moments with things like housework. It can get done while she's asleep. Or there's always tomorrow.

I know I am going to miss it all too much.