You're Gonna Miss This

"You're gonna miss this.

You're gonna want this back.

You're gonna wish these days

hadn't gone by so fast.

These are some good times.

So take a good look around.

You may not know it now,

but you're gonna miss this."

Life is too short. Eat dessert first. At least thats always been my moto. It's a good reason to have cookies for breakfast. But honestly, life does fly by. It's 2013, which sounds like a futuristic year - and, besides that, we are closer to 2014 than we were to 2012. I can barely keep up. 2002 sounds like a normal year - not one that was almost 12 years ago. 

Yet I feel like I spend my life waiting for the next 'thing.' Yearning for Friday every week. Waiting for the next day off of work. Counting down until the next wedding, weekend trip, or vacation.

We were dating and the idea of picking out a white dress, having a diamond ring on my left finger, and choosing venues sounded so exciting. We got engaged and I quickly forgot about all of that and just couldn't wait for the wedding to be here. The idea of the honeymoon, getting to wear the dress I picked out and the wedding band -- using his last name. The wedding came and went, and I couldn't wait to get settled into the house, finish up our dining room, plant a garden, decorate guest rooms. We were settled into the house and I couldn't wait to get pregnant. The idea of having a belly, buying maternity clothes, having a baby shower, buying teeny clothes and decorating a nursery was all I wanted. 

Just as quickly as the rest of the anticipations had faded, I wanted to know the gender. I wished away the entire first trimester to know whether we had a boy or girl brewing. After finding out she was, indeed, a she, I just couldn't wait to meet her. 

When we first found out that I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to feel her move. I imagined being in a work meeting, with her kicking around and it being the best thing ever. Like I had a secret. Me and her. We were a team. Both getting antsy during the boring work talk. That profound feeling that there's something much bigger in this world. That one computer program not working correctly pales in comparison to the fact that we are going to be parents. That we already were parents. That she was inside, kicking and moving. That I could feel her, but no one else in the room could. I imagined all work problems fading into dust at that first kick. How could they stress? It was work. I'm growing a baby. How amazing is that?

Since she's been kicking, you know what I have thought? I hope people can't see my stomach moving. I shouldn't touch my stomach -- don't bring attention to it. If I could lean back more in this chair, she would kick me less in the ribs. I would be more comfortable. I have to pee, and she's kicking me in the bladder. I wonder if she hates the sound of my boss's voice.

I have yet to sit in a meeting and think about how amazing it all is. 

The other day she stretched her leg out so far that when I felt my stomach there was this little ball that I knew was a foot. I just rubbed my stomach right there - imaging how cool it will be to rub this little foot when she's outside. And it finally hit me. I am going to miss this. First of all, she's much easier to transport, feed, and find a sitter for when she's inside. But beyond that, I know I will miss being pregnant. All the anticipation of buying maternity clothes, having a belly and feeling her move faded just as quickly as the ones about the white dress and the new house. 

Now I am annoyed about not having clothes to wear. How hard it is to bend over. That I don't want to get any bigger. That I can't wait to meet her. To see what she looks like. To find out if she's a red head or a blonde.

I only have 7 weeks left. There are so many amazing things about pregnancy - and such a short time left to enjoy them. I need to spend time going back to that girl who all she ever wanted was to have a little squirmy munchkin inside of her. I am there now and I should spend more time enjoying it. 

I had lunch with a friend whose youngest (and last) is 2.5 months old. She was talking about how much she missed the newborn stage. The teeny, floppy baby sound asleep in a milk coma. That her's was too big too fast.

I know I will have sleepless nights - just wishing away the time until she will sleep through the night. Until she's less fragile. Sitting up on her own. Talking to us. 

And I know when the time comes, I will miss her being extra little. Not strong enough to pull away from our cuddles. Not able to talk back. 

So I have decided to put a little 4x6 frame in her nursery that says "you're gonna miss this." Anytime the sleepless nights seem to be too much. The crying too much. Hopefully it'll help me remember to spend more time in the moment. Sucking it all in. Because I know that as I look back on all of this - these past few years - the next few years ahead - I am going to miss them. These are some good times, and I don't want to wish them away.